Love: Cosmic, Magical, and Tragic

Love. A strange chemical reaction in the brain. An invisible force that compels you to write poetry. A state where you start feeling butterflies in your stomach. A state where most of us are guaranteed to lose our minds. It is the driving force of history and ordinary human destinies alike. It makes our lot in life more bearable and significantly more complicated at the same time. On Valentine's Day, the air is thick with mischievous Cupids. Spring is just around the corner, and things are starting to heat up. Let's take a look at a few examples of what this sanity-destroying contagion can look like.

Complicated Love

Generally speaking, you should be careful what you wish for. Using a genie to tame a wild sorceress and wishing for her to be your destiny might seem like a good idea at first glance. It might even lead to a pleasant period full of romantic moonlight talk and riding unicorns, but it is definitely no guarantee of a quality, solid relationship.

The Witcher Geralt could tell you a thing or two about that, provided you can get more than a grunt out of him. He is an experienced hunter who isn't afraid of any monster. Yet, even that didn't save him from repeatedly breaking his teeth on Yennefer of Vengerberg. The poor guy then had to sleep with everything that crossed his path… Let everyone take a lesson from this. No relationship based on the wishes of only one party can ever work.

Fated Love

A beautiful princess and her stable boy. A classic fairy tale or the plot of a really bad porno. Luke Skywalker, a simple former slave infected with midi-chlorians, had his eye on one such fancy princess in a gold bikini. Unfortunately, his romantic plans were thwarted by the simple fact that the princess is his sister. Luckily, Leia wasn't dazzled by his clumsy attempts at lightsaber combat and set her sights on Han Solo, the classic rogue archetype with a disarming smile. Thus began a love that influenced the entire galaxy far, far away. Its luster is unfortunately dimmed by the naughty son who was at its end. Still, it seems these two made it work, even though Han spent much more time with his furry friend than in the comfort of his own home…

Unrequited Love

Maybe you know this one too. You fall in love, expect a lifelong romance, and end up with a short fling that concludes in a breakup and a resolution to win her heart back regardless. Sure, David “Cinzano Bianco” Lister has a slightly more complicated situation, as he is apparently the last living human three million years deep in space, and some bald head on a screen keeps telling him that “Everybody’s dead, Dave!”.

However, if you have the right crew capable of anything around you, nothing is impossible! Lister has Rimmer, Kryten, Cat, and a computer with an IQ of 6000 (give or take 6000) on hand. Surely this group of professionals won't be stopped by a minor detail like Kristina Kochanski being dead, or perhaps living in another dimension. And precisely because Lister has Rimmer, Kryten, Cat, and a computer with an IQ of 6000 (which is the same as 6000 gym teachers) at his disposal, he only manages to get rejected by Kochanski repeatedly. In this case, love is as out of fashion as hats…

Forbidden Love

Young Joffrey Baratheon never had it easy. Even though he is the heir to the throne, people don't like him. Maybe it's because he isn't exactly a sympathetic guy and has a bit of a tendency toward sadism and torturing small kittens. That is also why his premature death was one of the most joyful moments of the entire Game of Thrones.

But how could he have grown into a good person when his family relationships were such a mess? The love between his mother Cersei and Jaime Lannister caused so many problems that we can hardly blame Joffrey. Imagine a classic family celebration. His mom, who is also his aunt, is celebrating her birthday together with her twin, uncle, and father. What are you supposed to write on the greeting card so it doesn't look weird? Especially when his other two siblings, a cousin, and a niece are sitting around! In the end, it's probably easier to have everyone around executed than to keep explaining it over and over.

Love Polygon

It doesn't happen every day. Some people encounter it once, maybe twice. A love so great and consuming that it makes you lose your mind, lose weight, lose your teeth, and forces you to live in a dark cave and hunt goblins. That's what happened to poor Smeagol, who one fine day met his Precious. The One Ring. Just when it looked like he would enjoy this self-destructive relationship forever, some dirty hobbit came along and rudely stole his love. Baggins! Thief!

To make matters worse, the hobbit then passed the Ring to his nephew, who tried to force it on everyone who happened to walk by. You can't maintain a normal life-or-death relationship with that many people involved. No wonder poor Gollum went mad and started plotting an effective end to his miserable life by jumping into lava. Love can really mess with your head…

author Karel Krajča